I’ll never forget how happy I was when I saw my wife walking down the aisle towards me…………..

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.
It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said:  ”Get that trolley over here love. They’re doing 3 cartons of Crownies, for the price of 2.”

O.K. Honey !

We’re here!

I said that I was sorry!

You can come out now.

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, ‘What are you doing?’

She answers, ‘I’m moving to Nevada .. I heard   prostitutes there get paid $ 400 for doing what I do for you for free.

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom & sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he’s going,he replies…I’m coming too. I want to see how  you live on $800 a year’

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I’d like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law? I’ll lose my license!

They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

A man watching a football game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple.

“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” he said to his wife.

“For heaven’s sake, watch them,” his wife said. “You already know how to play football!”