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From the category archives:
Naughty
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn’t have a lot of money
between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said ‘Hang on, I have an idea.’
He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large
sausage.
Shamus said ‘Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money at all!’
Murphy replied, ‘Don’t worry – just follow me.’
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said ‘Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be
in?
We haven’t got any money!!’
Murphy replied, with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers! ‘
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, ‘OK, I’ll stick the sausage through
my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.’
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said ‘Murphy – I don’t think I can do any more of
this. I’m drunk and me knees are killing me!’
Murphy said, ‘How do you think I feel? I can’t even remember which pub I
lost the sausage in.’
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Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two girls and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of ‘Here I come again!
ONE, TWO, THREE …. UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE…. UGH!’ Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE … UGH!’ … ALL NIGHT LONG.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, ‘How did it go?’ The first mutters, ‘It was embarrassing.. I just couldn’t get an erection.’
The second dwarf shook his head. ‘You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t get on the bed.’
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Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at a friend’s home last night.
I got the last question wrong, and was immediately asked to leave.
The question was: “Where do women have the curliest hair????”
Apparently the correct answer is on the island of Fiji.
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