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The Tax Man Auditing a Synagogue

by wdf on March 5, 2010

in Random

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, ‘I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?’

‘Good question,’ noted the Rabbi. ‘We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.’

‘Oh,’ replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way: ‘What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?’

‘Ah, yes,’ replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. ‘We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.’

‘I see,’ replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. ‘Well, Rabbi,’ he went on, ‘what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?’

‘Here, too, we do not waste,’ answered the Rabbi.

‘What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.’

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Sex Education: Tarzan and Jane

by wdf on March 3, 2010

in Men,Naughty

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him had he had sex?

‘Tarzan not know sex’ he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ‘Oh ….Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.’

Horrified Jane said, ‘Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.’

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

‘Here’ she said, pointing to her privates, ‘you must put it in here.’

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed ‘What did you do that for?’

Tarzan replied, ‘Check for squirrel.’

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Guts or Balls… What have you got?

by wdf on March 1, 2010

in Men

Ever wondered about having “Guts” or “Balls”?? What is the difference between the two?

There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS

Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ”Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS

Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ”You’re next, fatty.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

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