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The Lunch Date

by wdf on March 9, 2010

in Men

A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should have dinner. Finally, it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good too.

10 years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should eat. Finally, it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should have dinner. Finally, it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before.

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The Snooty Receptionist

by wdf on March 8, 2010

in Men

image001An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the receptionist’s desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo Wrestler.

He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
‘YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?’

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

‘NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR WHO DID YOURS.’

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New boots

by wdf on February 18, 2010

in Relationship

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, are in California.Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.He walks into the house and says to his wife: ‘Notice anything different about me?’Margaret looks him over’, ‘Nope.’

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, ‘Notice anything different NOW?’

Margaret looks up and says, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.’

Furious, Bert yells, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?

‘Nope’, she replies.

‘IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!’

To which Margaret replies… ‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.’

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Best Divorce Letter, ever!

by wdf on January 15, 2010

in Relationship

Dear wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

I hope that’s not a problem.

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“Nair” hair remover

by wdf on January 13, 2010

in Animals

My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some “Nair” hair remover.

At the register the druggist tells her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days.”

The lady says: “I’m not using it under my arms.”

The druggist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days.”

The lady says: “I’m not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer.”

The druggist says: “Stay off your bicycle for a week!”

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The Vibrator

by wdf on December 28, 2009

in Naughty,Relationship

As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: ‘what in the world are you doing?’
The daughter replied: ‘mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: ‘dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: ‘What the f… are you doing?’

The husband replied: ‘I’m watching football with my son-in-law.’

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Tiger Woods and the honeymooners

December 24, 2009

The Honeymoon - A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.” The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.” “Oh yeah? [...]

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Why men shouldn’t write advice columns

December 23, 2009

I just hope this is not real. We men surely are not capable of being that insensitive? Take the time to read this one, wait until it hits you

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The Storm – A Story of Love

November 5, 2009

They were together in the House. Just the two of them. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance… and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her [...]

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One confession you don’t want to hear

November 30, -0001

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says ‘Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years. The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into [...]

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